Much ado about nothing full text

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much ado about nothing full text

Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

Much Ado About Nothing, abridged.

CLAUDIO: So, um, Hero, I sorta maybe like you a whole lot will you go to the prom with me?

HERO: We should get married! Squeeeeeee!

BEATRICE: Pfft. Love is for stupid losers who are stupid.

BENEDICK: You know, you might get laid more often if you werenít such a cynical bitch all the time.

BEATRICE: Fuck you.

BENEDICK: Get in line, sugartits.

*audience is beaten over the head by sexual tension*

DON PEDRO: Hey everybody, I had a great idea! Letís make Beatrice and Benedick fall in love!

EVERYONE: YAY! MEDDLING!

PRINCE JOHN: So, I think Iím going to break up Claudio and Hero.

BORACHIO: Really? Thatís your dastardly scheme? How do we possibly benefit from that?

PRINCE JOHN: No, see, I donít like Claudio because my half-brother likes him, and I hate my half brother, soÖwait. Okay, so itís actually a really pointless plan that only serves to create conflict. But itís the only way I get any good scenes in this thing, so MISCHIEF AHOY!

BORACHIO AND CONRADE: YAY!

BEATRICE: Hey Benedick, you still suck donkey balls.

BENEDICK: I fart in your general direction! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

BEATRICE: I dont want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!

PRINCE JOHN: So guess what Claudio? Your woman totally cheated on you. I saw, I was there.

CLAUDIO: OMG I HATE THAT WHORE.

DON PEDRO: Despite the fact that heís a bastard in all senses of the word and has no reason to be helping me or my friends, I think we should believe John without proof or even asking Heroís side of the story.

CLAUDIO: Hero, youíre a shameless whore and I hate your stupid face!

EVERYONE: WTF?!

PRIEST: Great job, now Heroís dead from sad.

CLAUDIO: OMG I AM SO REMORSEFUL. FORGIVE ME, DEAD HERO!

HERO: Pysche! Iím really okay!

BEATRICE: Luckily THIS time the priestís idea to fake a girlís death to solve all her problems actually worked, instead of backfiring horribly.

BENEDICK: Hey, thatís pretty funny. You know, I guess youíre not that bad. I think I love you, and stuff.

BEATRICE: Yeah, I guess I kind of love you too.

ANTONIO: Close enough. Now off to kill Prince John!

EVERYONE: YAY!

THE END.
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Published 13.12.2018

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING - Full AudioBook - William Shakespeare

Much Ado About Nothing Scenes

Themes Motifs Symbols Key Facts. Act 1 Scene 1. I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Aragon comes this. He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off when. He must be very near by now. When I left him, he was less than nine miles from here.

The enduring works of the great Bard feature many famous and well loved characters. The full online text and script of Much ado about nothing convey vivid impressions. The language used today is, in many ways, different to that used in the 16th century Elizabethan era and this is often reflected in the script and text used in Shakespearean plays. Make a note of any unusual words or text that you encounter whilst reading the online text of the play and then check their definition in the free online Shakespeare Dictionary. To reduce the time to load the script of the play, and for ease in accessing specific sections of the script, we have separated the text into Acts.

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It is hard to imagine a world without Shakespeare. We still struggle to keep up with a writer who could think a mile a minute, whose words paint pictures that shift like clouds. These expertly edited texts are presented to the public as a resource for study, artistic adaptation, and enjoyment. By making the classic texts of the New Folger Editions available in electronic form as Folger Digital Texts, we place a trusted resource in the hands of anyone who wants them. Readers who want to know more about Shakespeare and his plays can follow the paths these distinguished scholars have tread by visiting the Folger either in-person or online, where a range of physical and digital resources exists to supplement the material in these texts. I commend to you these words, and hope that they inspire.

2 thoughts on “Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

  1. A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio .

  2. Leonato, the governor of Messina, is informed that Don Pedro of Arragon and his troop will be arriving this evening, returning victorious from a battle in which they lost almost no-one, and in which Count Claudio greatly distinguished himself.

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