Much Ado About Nothing by William ShakespeareMuch Ado About Nothing, abridged.
CLAUDIO: So, um, Hero, I sorta maybe like you a whole lot will you go to the prom with me?
HERO: We should get married! Squeeeeeee!
BEATRICE: Pfft. Love is for stupid losers who are stupid.
BENEDICK: You know, you might get laid more often if you werenít such a cynical bitch all the time.
BEATRICE: Fuck you.
BENEDICK: Get in line, sugartits.
*audience is beaten over the head by sexual tension*
DON PEDRO: Hey everybody, I had a great idea! Letís make Beatrice and Benedick fall in love!
EVERYONE: YAY! MEDDLING!
PRINCE JOHN: So, I think Iím going to break up Claudio and Hero.
BORACHIO: Really? Thatís your dastardly scheme? How do we possibly benefit from that?
PRINCE JOHN: No, see, I donít like Claudio because my half-brother likes him, and I hate my half brother, soÖwait. Okay, so itís actually a really pointless plan that only serves to create conflict. But itís the only way I get any good scenes in this thing, so MISCHIEF AHOY!
BORACHIO AND CONRADE: YAY!
BEATRICE: Hey Benedick, you still suck donkey balls.
BENEDICK: I fart in your general direction! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
BEATRICE: I dont want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!
PRINCE JOHN: So guess what Claudio? Your woman totally cheated on you. I saw, I was there.
CLAUDIO: OMG I HATE THAT WHORE.
DON PEDRO: Despite the fact that heís a bastard in all senses of the word and has no reason to be helping me or my friends, I think we should believe John without proof or even asking Heroís side of the story.
CLAUDIO: Hero, youíre a shameless whore and I hate your stupid face!
PRIEST: Great job, now Heroís dead from sad.
CLAUDIO: OMG I AM SO REMORSEFUL. FORGIVE ME, DEAD HERO!
HERO: Pysche! Iím really okay!
BEATRICE: Luckily THIS time the priestís idea to fake a girlís death to solve all her problems actually worked, instead of backfiring horribly.
BENEDICK: Hey, thatís pretty funny. You know, I guess youíre not that bad. I think I love you, and stuff.
BEATRICE: Yeah, I guess I kind of love you too.
ANTONIO: Close enough. Now off to kill Prince John!
Much Ado About Nothing
Much Ado About Nothing
A group of soldiers return from the war. Information and resources for teachers and learners on Much Ado about Nothing. See photos and find out more about our past productions of Shakespeare's most popular comedy, Much Ado About Nothing. Studying Much Ado About Nothing? Dates and sources. Famous quotes. Key Moments.
The war is over. Claudio falls in love with Hero and their marriage is agreed upon. Beatrice and Benedick despise love and engage in comic banter. The others plot to make them fall in love with each other, by a trick in which Benedick will overhear his friends talking of Beatrice's supposed secret love for him, and vice versa. Meanwhile Don John, the prince's misanthropic illegitimate brother, contrives a more malicious plot with the assistance of his follower Borachio: Claudio is led to believe that he has witnessed Hero in a compromising situation on the night before her wedding day ó in fact it is her maid Margaret with Borachio.
Messenger He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off when I left him. Messenger But few of any sort, and none of name. I find here that Don Peter hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio. Messenger Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how. Messenger I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could not show itself modest enough without a badge of bitterness.
The primary plot of Much Ado About Nothing turns on the courtship and scandal Set in Messina, the play begins as Don Pedro's army returns after a victory.
strongest god in the universe
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Don Pedro has been victorious in a small war against his own half-brother, Don John, who has now reluctantly joined him. From the beginning to the end of the play, two love stories are intertwined. One story follows the formal, romantic relationship between Leonato's daughter, Hero a young woman , and Claudio a young officer : Claudio realizes, after returning from war, that he is deeply in love with Hero and wants to ask her father for permission to marry her. His commander, Don Pedro, helps Claudio propose marriage, with some momentary confusion about who the suitor is ó Don Pedro or Claudio. The other couple, Beatrice Hero's cousin and Benedick another officer , work hard to give the impression that neither is the least bit interested in the other, still smarting over bad experiences in earlier encounters with one another. From the beginning of the play, Beatrice and Benedick tease and insult one another mercilessly and repeatedly deny that they will ever marry anyone, let alone marry one another. However, the audience can tell almost immediately that they don't entirely believe their own disclaimers.
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